10 Ways to Annoy Syaoran
by tsubasahope
Summary: Join Princess Sakura as she finds ways to annoy the hell out of Syaoran! SXS Mostly humor with some romance! Major OOC
1. Prologue

**A/N: YAYS!!!! NEW FANFICTION!!! This time in Tsubasa... my second obsession! I'm gonna have fun torturing Syaoran! Umm... NO FLAMES! Criticism is nice and go easy please... this is my first Tsubasa humor fic... NOW A WORD FROM OUR VICTIM... I MEAN HERO!!!!**

**Syaoran: DISCLAIMER: Umm...The author does not own Tsubasa. Now can you please give me back my chocolate bunnies? (twitch, twitch from lack of chocolate for the last two minutes)**

**Author: NEVER! (Stuffs them into her mouth)**

The evening moon was beautiful and the breeze was just right. Sakura put her head on the balcony's rail and enjoyed the calm wind. This new world they entered was a quiet sort of city with peaceful residents and large apartments that overlooked the skyscrapers and everything…

"Sakura-chan?" a voice disturbed her thoughts… She turned to see Fai holding a blanket, "You shouldn't be out here in the cold without a blanket."

"Fai-san," she greeted, smiling gently. He laid the blanket over her shoulders and sat next to her.

"What are you doing out here on a night like this?" Fai asked slyly with a mischievous grin that our poor naïve princess could not see, "Could you be thinking about Syaoran-kun?"

At this mention, Sakura blushed ten shades of red and pulled the blanket over her head, shyly. She had always had a secret crush over the boy and a feeling that she had known him her whole life.

"You know what?" Fai tapped his chin thoughtfully, "I think you I have a way you can tell if he likes you back." He slid a glance at her and saw that her face had turn a few more shades red.

"Tell me!" she demanded. This was turning very unbearable for her. Fai's grin turned wider as he whispered something into her ear.

"Now, you need to know his weaknesses and hit them in the right places and at the right times," Fai explained. A confused look swept over her face.

"Why would I need to know that?" Sakura deadpanned.

"Because," Fai told her, "If he really loves you, then he'll forgive you right off the bat."

"Oh!" she smiled back, "I see! I'll do it! Thank you, Fai-san! Good night!" And she rushed back into her bedroom. Kurogane stepped from his place in the shadows and sat in Sakura's place.

"You heard everything?" Fai asked, a small smile appearing on his features.

"You know the next few weeks are going to be hell, right?" Kurogane replied. Fai nodded.

"WHICH IS WHY I'LL HAVE THESE!" Fai exclaimed, dramatically pulled out earplugs.

"YOU DAMN MAGE!!" Kurogane smacked him back, "YOU'LL WAKE UP THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!"

"WAI!!" Fai started to mock-cry, "Kuro-wanwan hit me!" And he broke into a run.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU DAMN WIZARD!!!" And Kurogane followed after him in a maddening frenzy.

Yep, and thus our hellish tale will begin with a very irked Syaoran in the end…

**A/N: This may sound like a romance fic and is slightly is... but it's mainly humor. Okay... next chapter will be out very soon.**


	2. When all Hell Breaks Lose!

**A/N: Hi! The first chapter was confusing a bit but the second chapter is where all hell and chaos start so here it is! Now a word from our executioner... I mean, Princess!**

**Sakura: DISCLAIMER:The author does not own Tsubasa. Author-san?**

**Author: Yes, Sakura-hime!**

**Sakura: Can you please let Syaoran-kun go?**

**Author: (tying up a very scared and pissed off Syaoran) NO CAN DO!!!!**

When all Hell Breaks Lose!

"Aim for his weakness," Sakura pondered as she came to breakfast and sat at the table. Syaoran was at the stove already and plating eggs. He smiled when she came in.

"Good morning, Sakura-hime," he sat down next to her, handing her the plate, "Kurogane-san, Fai-san, and Mokona have already left. They'll be back around noon."

"Good morning, Syaoran-kun," Sakura blushed, "I'm going to shopping later with Fai-san when he comes back. Will you be joining us?"

"I'm sorry, Sakura-hime," he shot her an apologetic look, "I was going to go to the study room to translate this world's history. I'll probably have to spend all day. I'm sorry." Despite being locked up in a study room all day and having to translate a hell of a lot of books, (which would be like the apocalypse come early for all of us) he looked excited for this task. The megalomaniac….

"HIS BOOKS!!!" Sakura suddenly stood up and spilled the plate of eggs onto Syaoran's face. **(A/N: His poor, perfect godsend face)**

"Hime!" Syaoran pulled the plate off his face, "NOOO!!!!! MY FACE!!!!" Syaoran has now demonstrated that he is a pretty boy that cares more about his face than Sakura's mental health, which is not doing so good right now…

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Sakura has now demonstrated an evil side that we have never seen before… and quite frankly, Syaoran is a bit scared.

"Umm… Sakura-hime?" Syaoran tried calming her down, "What are you maniacally laughing about?"

"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" Sakura kept laughing and mumbling about Syaoran and his books. She stopped abruptly and looked down at Syaoran who was inching for the phone to call the paramedics. "You heard nothing..."

"Y-Yes, H-Hime," Syaoran stuttered and went into fetal position. Sakura went out in a happier mood than she came in.

* * *

Syaoran smiled as he finished organizing the small library in the apartment. It had taken him quite a long time to organize it in alphabetical order and by genre. Which is to say, he'd be more than happy to slice and burn anyone to a crisp with Hien if anyone messed with it. He then started wondering why his Princess was acting so oddly. Syaoran shrugged it off as his Princess's time of month. **(A/N: SURE!!! ALL YOU BOYS BLAME PMS WHENEVER WE FEEL HOMOCIDAL!!!!!! WELL NEWSFLASH!!!!! WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO!!!!)**

"Hey, kid!" Kurogane called from the window with Souhi over his shoulder. He was going to regret this. "It's time to train." Syaoran cursed in every language that he learned while traveling with his father, which is quite a lot. Ooh... Syaoran's a potty mouth.

"Coming," Syaoran replied, taking Hien and going out the door. Translating runes would have to come later.

* * *

Sakura smiled as she came back with Fai, groceries hanging from her arms. There would be a lot of dinner tonight. 

"Sakura-chan," Fai pulled the groceries off her arms, "How about I start dinner and you call in Kuro-rin and Syaoran-kun?" She nodded and left. Fai tried hard to contain his laughter. The chaos was going to start.

"Syaoran-kun," Sakura peeked inside the small study room. It was empty. She suddenly started to form an evil plan in her head and took a book off the shelf. It was full of complicated letters and words that she didn't understand. She ripped it in half. She took more books off the shelf and started ripping them, throwing them off the shelves, and tearing the bindings in half.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" She laughed as the bits of paper rained down on her and she stopped... split personality much... "Oh my." In came the person she did not want to see at the moment, Kurogane. He looked at her and at the poor innocent book being torn in half.

"The kid's gonna have a coronary when he sees what you've done to his books," he remarked, "The mage put you up to this, right? I'll kill him." And then he left screaming something about the 'damn mage's head' and cutting it off...

"Hime!" Syaoran popped in, sweating and bleeding but putting on a happy face to please his Princess, that is, until... He stared at Sakura that had a torn book in hand and at the shreds of paper that were his precious books. "M-my books..." He fainted.

"Syaoran-kun!" Sakura tried to shake him awake, "Syaoran-kun!"

In Syaoran's dream...

Welcome to Syaoran's twisted mind where chocolate bunnies, splashes of green paint, and dozens of books run wild! Oh look! There's Syaoran chasing his beloved books that are being ripped by that shadowy figure that resembles our Princess Sakura in so many ways. Let's see...

"NNOOO!!!!" Syaoran cried as the person kept ripping up his books, "MY PRECIOUS BOOKS!!!!! I'LL SAVE YOU!!!!"

"SYAORAN!!!" the books cried... strange, I never thought books can cry. BUT! We are in Syaoran's dreamland so anything, and I mean anything, can happen.

"NNOOOO!!!!!" Syaoran cried again. The chocolate road was littered with the remains of his books. "MY BOOKS!!!!!!! I'M TOO LATE!!!!!!!"

End dream...

"SYAORAN-KUN!!!!" Sakura was just about to whack him with a mallet Mokona had lent to her. Wow... how did shaking get turned into using a mallet?

"AAAAHHHH!!!!" Syaoran covered his head, "DON'T KILL ME!!!! I'M TOO YOUNG AND HANDSOME TO DIE!!!! TAKE MOKONA!!! TAKE MOKONA!!!"

"Syaoran-kun!" Sakura hugged him, "You're awake!"

"It's strange, Hime, but I just had a dream where all my books...were...," and just now Syaoran glimpsed the room which was covered with the ripped remains of his books. And suddenly, Syaoran let go of all manly pride he had and started bawling like a baby.

"My books!!!!" he cried like no baby has cried before.

"Umm... there, there," Sakura patted him as he clung to her like the world's about to end, "I'm sorry... I ripped your books..."

"YOU RIPPED MY BOOKS?!?!" Syaoran suddenly screamed, all manly pride returned. He jumped up and took up Hien; ready to dice and burn up his Princess to a charcoal-y crisp but then he stopped.

"This is your Princess, Syaoran," the angelic side of him whispers, "You can't just slice and dice her!"

"Aww, let her die," the devil side of him whispered, "She ripped up your books!"

"HEY!" the angelic side yelled, "Aren't you supposed to be with the evil, sadistic guy that trapped you in a bottle while you sit there floating in formaldehyde?"

"Yes, but I'm here to turn you evil, Syaoran," he whispered, "Kill her, kill her..."

"NNNOOOO!!!!!" the angelic side tackled the evil side.

"Umm... Syaoran?" Sakura asks as she watched the fight between good Syaoran and evil Syaoran fight. Personally, she was rooting for the evil Syaoran to win. No, wait... that would mean her own death... Screw that... GO EVIL SYAORAN!!!!

"Hime!" Syaoran got off her shirt and took a deep, deep, DEEP breath. "I forgive you."

"NNOOOOO!!!!" the evil side 'poofed' back to the formaldehyde bottle. And so, good triumphed over evil... Sakura's life was just save... blah blah blah... MOVING ON!!! Our Princess just had another great idea... oh, more chaos...

**A/N: Cool... that took a really long time... please review and I'll write more!**


	3. In Which Syaoran Learns the Meaning of J

**Author: Chappie three! Yays! Umm... I'm happy since I got so many review for this in such a short amount of time! Thank you! **

**I also want to thank q.t.a.k.a spice for giving me this idea! ****q.t a.k.a spice**

**And now... a word from our local mage!**

**Fai: DISCLAIMER: Author-chan does not own Tsubasa! Author-chi, would you like a chocolate?**

**Author: (twitch, twitch) Don't. Call. Me. Author. Chi.**

**Fai: AUTHOR-CHI! AUTHOR-CHI! AUTHOR-CHI!**

**Author: DIE YOU DAMN MAGE!**

In Which Syaoran Learns the Meaning of Jealousy

Sakura was having a fine day. She had recently gotten a book on voodoo dolls and made one of Syaoran. She loved her Syaoran doll with its cute little cape and big amber eyes that kept telling her 'Destroy me!' 'Destroy me!'. She had also borrowed needles from Fai's sewing box (**A/N: Don't ask me why Fai has it. According to the anime and manga, Fai is considered to be the mother of the family)** and had commenced stabbing her cute little Syaoran doll.

"OW!" Syaoran screamed like the little girl he was inside.

"Kid!" Kurogane yelled at him, "What happened to you?!"

"I don't know, Kurogane-san but I felt something stab me," Syaoran rubbed his backside. All throughout his training he felt pinpricks stabbing him like an invisible force. He tried his utmost hardest to restrain himself from yelping out loud and proving that he was a girly boy until…

"AHHH!!" Syaoran finally stopped his 30th mile around the apartment and went into fetal position, "STOP IT!! STOP IT!!" He started waving around Hien like he was swatting a fly. What a freak… a guy in fetal position that's waving a flaming sword around…

Sakura was having a great day!

* * *

Fai was having a great day. He had managed to avoid getting his head chopped off today and had gone shopping with Mokona to buy clothing for Sakura-chan without Syaoran-kun seeing and getting a nosebleed. 

"Fai-san!" Sakura smiled, "Welcome home!" For some reason, she felt a very dark aura coming from him and from Mokona. GASP! A dark aura coming from everyone's favorite manjuu bun?! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! RUN EVERYONE! RUN!

"Huhuhu," Mokona giggled in its cute adorable way, "We bought you a present!" It **(A/N: Umm... I'm saying 'it' since I don't know what gender it is... ah, another question mankind has yet to solve...) **pulled a French maid's costume. Sakura took all her willpower not to faint at this moment.

"Here's what I want you to do," Fai whispered in her ear, "You're going to make our little puppy jealous!" Hmm... chaos has just started again...

* * *

Syaoran was having a horrible day. First, for breakfast, he noticed that all his chocolate was gone. Curse that stupid manjuu bun on a sugar high... Then he was pricked and poked at by an invisible force to the point where the ambulance had to come and take him to the 'loony bin' for a couple of hours. THEN! He had to assemble precious library again from scratch... poor little Syaoran. He was not having a happy day. 

And now when he was all tired and beat up, he walked home to Sakura who would undoubtly help him heal his wounds.

"Hime!" Syaoran called as he entered the house, "I'm home!" The first thing he heard was giggling and another boy laughing. Syaoran was not happy... "Hime!" He went into the living room and saw something that would scar him for life and the lives after he reincarnated.

Sakura was talking and laughing at something another boy said.

"Holy mother of whatever deity rules this world.." Syaoran's inner mind screamed. WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE WEARING?!?!?! She had on a French maid outfit that barely reached mid-thigh... He tried his hardest to stop a rushing nosebleed coming in. Okay... that didn't work... He pinched the bridge of his nose...

"Syaoran-kun!" she waved, giggling again, "This is Hiiro-kun. He's the nice boy that lives in the apartment above us." 'Hiiro' was a pretty boy with brown locks of hair and beautiful sea green eyes.

"MY EYES!" Syaoran screamed internally, "MY EYES! THEY HAVE DECIEVED ME!!!! SAKURA-HIME'S HANGING OUT WITH ANOTHER BOY!" Which meant that he didn't take this very well...

"Glad to meet you, Syaoran-san," Hiiro smiled a perfect-white-teeth-shining-and-burning-your-eyes smile. Syaoran gripped Hien. One slice and one flame and he would be reduced to ashes...

"Kill him, Syaoran," his devil side whispered, "You know you want to."

"YEAH!" his angelic side cheered, "Whoop his ass like there's no tomorrow! BURN HIM TO A CRISP! BURN HIM!"

"Hey," the demon side spoke up, "Aren't you supposed to say that he can't kill that guy?"

"Yes, but certain times call for certain measures," his angelic side retorted, "Now kill him... send him to hell for touching your beloved Hime... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

"Umm... are you sure he's from heaven?" Syaoran asked the devil side of him.

"Hmm... good question," devil Syaoran said.

"Glad to meet you too," Syaoran ground his teeth. Hiiro's arm was snaking to **HIS** Sakura-Hime's waist and he didn't like it.

"Syaoran-kun!" Sakura smiled, laughing, "I'm going to Hiiro's apartment room later! I won't be here until late at night."

"That's okay!" Hiiro gave her another winning smile, "You can stay at my house for the night!" That's it... Syaoran's self-control just snapped.

"DIE, YOU BASTARD!" Syaoran yelled as he lifted a flaming Hien.

Outside, you can see the birds twittering and the sun shining beautifully. And there's the apartment... WHICH IS ON FIRE! AAAHHHH!!! CALL 911!!!

Inside, you can see a very, VERY pissed off Syaoran swinging Hien around at a very scared Hiiro and burning everything in sight. A very happy Sakura sits on the burnt couch watching this while laughing maniacally.

* * *

In the end, Hiiro had to go into counseling since he kept screaming 'AH! DON'T KILL ME! DON'T BURN ME INTO A KENTUCKY FRIED CRISP!', Sakura was lectured by a very mad Syaoran about bring strangers home, and Kurogane came home to find his apartment building burnt down. 

Lessons were learned today...

Kurogane learned never to leave the stupid mage alone with the princess and to never leave the house alone to the kid and princess.

Fai learned never to get Syaoran angry or there was going to be hell to pay.

Mokona learned to never eat Syaoran's chocolates or his angel and devil side would come to poke and prod it until it spit it out.

Sakura learned never to call unwanted boys to her house or Syaoran was going to maul them.

Syaoran learned that he should never leave his Hime alone in the house or anywhere ever again and if any boy in a 5-mile radius looks at her suggestively again, he would slaughter them.

All was right again... at least for now...

**A/N: Okay, I have read until chapter 161 so I know that the Syaoran in the bottle is not evil... I just want to add more crack in here! Oh and on Nov. 21, 2007 there is a new Tsubasa movie called Tokyo Revelations coming out. It covers volume 14, 15, and 16 and maybe part of 17.**


	4. My Precious Hien

**Author: YAYS!!!!! Chapter 4 is out. So happy. Umm... nothing to report about my joyful life... Enjoy! Now a word from our local dimension-crossing fluff ball! **

**Mokona: DISCLAIMER: Author does not own Tsubasa. Mokona is not a fluff ball. **

**Author: Umm... cake? **

**Mokona: NO! Mokona is not cake nor marshmallow nor ice cream nor daifuku cake! **

**Author: (Suddenly hungry) Mmm... (looks at Mokona with glinty eyes) **

My Precious Hien

Syaoran was happy today. The mass poking had gone down to a dull aching in his chest that was bearable. He went to the nearest chocolatier store and bought 50 lbs. of chocolate that included wafer cookies, chocolate bars, and chocolate popcorn. And he even got around the library problem by installing glass in front of them and a lock. And he also learned his Hien could act like a bug zapper and burn annoying bugs to death.

"You are such a precious sword," Syaoran cooed in his baby sort of voice, "Yes, you are. You are the best sword in the world!" He started stroking it and polishing the blade.

"Syaoran-kun!" Sakura entered his study room to find him cuddling his sword and rubbing the cold metal on his cheek. You can just imagine Sakura's face right now to find the love of her life is hugging a sword. Pretty traumatized to tell you the truth. "Syaoran-kun?"

"S-Sakura-Hime!" Syaoran immediately stopped, "I can explain!" Sakura's inner thoughts started to speak up and she had a very strong urge to break the stupid, Syaoran-hogging sword in half.

"I'm going out," Sakura mumbled, devising the perfect way to murder Hien. Now, if Sakura was calm and using a rational mind instead of her chaotic and crazed one, she would have known that Hien cannot be 'killed' and instead, plan of ways to 'destroy' Hien. Either way, Princess Sakura was going to 'kill' Hien and reclaim her Syaoran back.

* * *

Kurogane was very angry. Today, the stupid mage and the manjuu bun had called him a new name (Kuro-winwin) and he had failed (for the bazillionth time this month) to chop off the wizard's head. He also found that there was a nick in his precious Souhi and had had a major freakout. When did the nick appear?! Where did he nick it?! Did a person do it?! If so, the person was as good as dead. So when he called Syaoran to train with him, he told him not to bring Hien.

"But, Kurogane-san!" he whined, whimpering as he gave his Hien a longing glance.

"Aw, suck it up, kid," Kurogane felt a vein pulse, "It's just a sword!" Says the person who was having a major freakout over the nicked Souhi...

"Yes, sir," Syaoran felt on the verge of crying. Leaving his precious Hien behind was like leaving his chocolates out in the open for the manjuu bun on a sugar-high to get it. He simply could not leave Hien.

"Kid!" Kurogane yelled, already halfway down the stairs, "Stop ogling at your sword and come down!"

* * *

Sakura snuck into the study room again when she heard that Kurogane and Syaoran exit the door. Apparently, she also heard the conversation about leaving Hien alone. Who wouldn't? The guy was shouting so loud about leaving Hien that every person in a 5-mile radius could hear. Perfect.

Sakura looked at the sword with malice and took out the large hammer-mallet-thingy **(A/N: You know those meat tenderizer things that have spikes on one side and a flat surface on the other? Yeah...)** she had brought with her to smash Hien into pieces. She raised it above her head...

"Sakura!" Mokona came in and stopped. It looked at Sakura holding a metal mallet thing to Syaoran's sword laying innocently on the ground. "Am I interrupting something?" It slowly edged away as it saw Sakura's maniac grin. "I'm gonna go help Fai with those cookies he's baking." And it bounced down the hall screaming "MURDERER!"

She sighed and raised the mallet again, over her head, ready to pound Hien to a metally pulp.

"Sakura-chan!" Fai came in, "What's this I hear about a murderer?" He stopped like Mokona did and stared at the mallet and then at the sword on the ground. " Sakura-chan? Umm... I'll leave you to your business..." And he ran down the hall screaming "MURDERER!!!"

Sakura sighed, annoyed. She lifted up her hammer once again and breathed. Nope. Nobody was interrupting her. She brought it down. BANG! SMASH! CRACK! BOOM! CRASH!

Sakura smiled as she looked at the remains of Hien.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!" she cackled, "NOW SYAORAN WILL PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND NOT YOU, YOU STUPID SWORD!" And then she quickly left.

* * *

Syaoran had come back from training. He turned to see Fai and Mokona, sitting very far away from Sakura who had a creepy grin on her face. All was well.

"Hello, Sakura-Hime," Syaoran smiled. Fai and Mokona made throat-cutting motions and shook their heads.

"Hello, Syaoran-kun," she smiled ear to ear. Mokona couldn't contain it anymore.

"RUN!" it screamed in an odd girly voice, "SHE'LL KILL US ALL!" And then, it transported itself to another world. Fai ran out to find Kurogane. Getting his head chopped off was better than whatever the Princess was planning to do to him.

Syaoran smiled as he opened the door to his study room.

"I'm back, Hien!" he practically sang. Then he saw his precious Hien, all broken up to pieces. He stopped and froze. And then he dropped on all fours and picked up the remains of it. Big, fat baby tears were about to leak out. "NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY PRECIOUS HIEN!!!!!!!!!!! NOT HIM!!!!!!!!! FIRST MY BOOKS AND NOW MY SWORD!!!!!!!!!!!" And he wailed and breathed and cried and breathed and screamed and breathed and flooded the place and OKAY! WE GET IT ALREADY!

"Oi!" Kurogane swam through the sea of tears to find Syaoran still bawling, "Stop it." The sea got bigger... "Stop it!" And bigger... "OI! KID! STOP IT ALREADY!" And Syaoran stopped.

"KUROGANE-SAN!!!" he shrieked, "MY HIEN IS BROKEN!!!!"

"THEN GET IT REPAIRED!!!!!!!" Kurogane yelled. Syaoran suddenly had an idea.

"I know!" he smiled for the first time in 10 minutes, "I'll get it repaired!" Insert face slap here.

* * *

So, all was right again. Syaoran was back to hugging his sword. Sakura was back to glaring at his sword enviously. Fai was back to staying close to Kurogane so that Sakura wouldn't find a reason to kill him. Mokona was in a karaoke bar in some distant world sipping fruity drinks with two scantily clad girls on either side of him. And Kurogane got his sword fixed too.

**A/N: Chapter 4 is done! Umm... read and review please!**


	5. When Syaoran Says All The Wrong Things

**Author: Ugh... I'm sorry I didn't update for a long time! I have so much homework and it bites. It seriously does. But without further ado... Chapter 5! Now a word from our local ninja!**

**Kurogane: DISCLAIMER: The author does not own Tsubasa... if she did... (shudder)**

**Author: And you know it!**

When Syaoran Says All the Wrong Things

Sakura was happy today! Oh so, happy! She was going to go shopping with Syaoran-kun today at the gigantic mall down the block. She hummed as she stuffed her bag with a large wrapped butcher and a gigantic machete.

"Sakura-Hime!" Syaoran called, "It's time to go!" He came in and quickly regretted it. Around his "innocent" and "merciful" princess were a large array of guns and knifes.

"Umm... Hime?" Syaoran suppressed a girly scream threatening to bubble up, "Where did you get those? You know your therapist told you to throw away the knives."

"These are knives!" Sakura growled out, quite un-princess-like, "They're machetes." Syaoran saw the evil glint in her eyes and made a mental note to slip more sleeping pills in his princess's soup next time.

"I'll be waiting outside," Syaoran got out before Sakura could think of throwing one of those knives at him. Fai was sitting very close to Kurogane who was swatting at Mokona who had come back with a large hangover and kept screaming out randomly "SHE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!"

* * *

They were at the mall down the block and Sakura was trying on a large array of clothes... no, seriously... large as in Tomoyo's closet large... 

Sakura had come out wearing a long black halter dress that in Syaoran's opinion made her look a teensy bit fat.

"Syaoran-kun?" Sakura smiled, twirling around, "Does this dress make me look fat?" She shot him a look that clearly said 'You say yes and you die."

Being the completely inexperienced boy (I said boy) he was, he answered in a most completely innocent way.

"Yes, it makes you look fat," he deadpanned. There was a long pause and Syaoran had a nudging feeling that he should be running right about now. Due to the fact that his father always got very evasive when Syaoran asked where babies come from and that what little information he had learned about women was from street vendors did not help too.

"What did you say?" Sakura asked, a hidden tone of evil-ness edging her voice.

"I said, you look fat?" Syaoran replied, more quietly. Sakura drew out a knife she had in her purse and right then and there, Syaoran knew he said something wrong. "DIE!!!!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Syaoran screamed in a high-pitched girly scream before tearing out of the department store and hitting a few manniquins on the way causing him to be wearing a bra as a hat around the mall while a very pissed off Sakura was chasing him.

After a long 4 hours that included the security police, a very tired Syaoran, and a bipolar Sakura, they hit the food court.

"Syaoran, what will you order?" Sakura asked, looking over the menu. Yummy... greasy french fries.

"Umm... I'll have a salad," Syaoran picked the healthiest choice since the other choices seemed like they were made of just grease and lard (which was partly true).

"I'll have a slice of cheesecake, some french fries, a chocolate milkshake, a piece of chocolate pie, a lemon sherbert, and a hamburger," Sakura rattled on.

"Umm... Hime?" he stared at her funnily, "Maybe you should order something more healthy..." He looked at her face which was sporting a very nasty glare right now.

"Are you implying that I'm fat?" she asked.

"Er... no?" though it sounded more like 'Yes, you are fat you tub of goo.' Instead of trying to slice his head off with a knife she broke down crying.

'WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" she wailed so loudly that everyone in the mall could hear, "MY BOYFRIEND SAID I WAS FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Syaoran didn't know if the gut-clenching sensation came from being labled as Sakura's boyfriend (ha! Take that you stupid Sakura-oglers!) or from the fact that every girl from the mall were surrounding him shouting out war cries and holding lipstick tubes.

"NO!" Syaoran cried, waving his hands frantically, "I DIDN'T SAY SHE WAS FAT!!!!" Nobody could hear him after that since he was tackled to the ground under a mountain of girls.

* * *

Fai smiled as Syaoran came in sporting a pink thong wrapped around his head, a new makeover including hot pink lipstick and red round cheeks, and a black bra covering his clothes.

"Kid, what happened to you?" Kurogane had to bite back a laugh. He knew the Princess was good but not this good. Syaoran didn't answer as he stomped upstairs. A few minutes later, they hear wailings of 'NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY MANLINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!' or 'NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE LIPSTICK DOESN'T COME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Sakura came in, all smiling and carrying two shopping bags.

"Sakura-chan!" Fai greeted, "What did you buy?"

"Oh, nothing special," Sakura went upstairs, "Just some lace bras and thongs for Syaoran."

We've all learned a lesson today:

Never say Sakura is fat or else you will get a fistful of hell.

Syaoran actually looks pretty hot in lingerie... just without the makeup.

Kurogane can actually burst into laughter. All it took was his student to be dressed in a bra and coated with makeup.

**A/N: So.. done with that! If I don't update anytime soon... it's because I'll be swamped with homework... but I will update! So please read and review!**


	6. When Syaoran Becomes SugarDeprived

**Author: Hello! And chapter 6 is out! Woohoo! My life is hell right now... exams... homework... evil science teacher... evil science project. Yep, my life is hell... Anyways! I'm very sorry I haven't updated in a long time! Umm... have fun! Now a word from out local evil Syaoran!**

**Evil Syaoran: ...**

**Author: (poke poke) Come on, say it... (prods him with a pencil)**

**Evil Syaoran: (grumbling) DISCLAIMER: The author owns nothing. If she did, I would not exist...**

**Author: Yep! Syaoran and Sakura would live happily ever and had tons of little, whiny princes and princesses frolicking around the castle giving their Uncle Touya enough stress to make him want to kill the father. On second thought, he already wanted to kill the father... **

When Syaoran Becomes Sugar-Deprived

Today was a good day for our hero/victim/Sakura's lover Syaoran. He had found a chocolate shop in a city called New York. Why it was 'new' and named after kidney pie was still a mystery to him. Anyways, let's let you in on a little secret. Syaoran is a chocoholic. Everyone in their group had their weaknesses.

Kurogane's weakness was his precious sword and Princess Tomoyo. I mean, have you heard him sleeptalking? It's all about 'Princess Tomoyo, I'm going to kill you for sending me off to be friends with a chocoholic kid, a drunk mage, and a crazy princess. And that stupid manjuu bun. Especially the daifuku cake.'

Fai's weakness was alchoholic beverages. Be it wine, whiskey, oak-matured mead from a place called Hogwarts, or beer, he would drink a whole bottle before leaving any world. And send some to the dimension witch to get on her good side.

Mokona's weakness was cake. The group soon realized after working part-time in a bakery that at night, all the cakes would disappear and Mokona would put on its little charade of 'who stole the cake from the bakery'. Kurogane learned to cure this by stuffing a bottle of aspirin into its mouth to knock it out for a few hours.

Sakura's weakness was... was... hmm... er... Syaoran had not found this out yet but he would someday... when he was 90 and married to her... and on the verge of dying...

* * *

Syaoran came home with what seemed like the whole shop. White chocolate, bunny chocolates, brandy chocolates, it was all there. How he lost all that weight afterwards was a mystery that is still pondered by fangirls everywhere. 

"Welcome home, Syaoran-kun!" Sakura smiled. It was innocent. Odd...

"Glad to be home," Syaoran smiled back, holding a very secure hand around his chocolates.

"What's in the bag?" she asked, lunging for it.

"Nothing!" Syaoran yelped as he dodged her. Close one. She lunged at him again. He jumped and dodged her again. Yet another close one. Man, he was good.

"AIYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!" she let out a war cry before tackling him to the ground and twisted his arm behind his back to pin him down. Sakura took an item out of the bag and read the label, "White chocolate? Syaoran-kun? Are you going to go high again? Don't you remember the last time, where you were dancing on the karaoke bar and singing 'I Will Survive'?"

"Mmph," Syaoran's face was pressed to the ground. Sakura counted that as a 'yes'. Sakura got off of him and gave him back the chocolates AKA diabetes in a box. "MINE!" He shrieked before running off and shutting the door to his room with a loud 'BANG'.

"He bought more chocolates?" Fai suddenly appeared. Ooh... magic...

"He bought more chocolates," Sakura nodded, "Doesn't he remember the last time he went on a sugar high?"

"Syaoran-kun was very popular that day!" Fai laughed. He heard maniacal laughing beside him and stopped.

"Hehehehe," Sakura's face split into an evil grin, "I know what to do." She gave Fai a glare. "And you're helping me." Fai was internally cowering now. Even Ashura wasn't this scary.

* * *

Syaoran had consumed most of the chocolates already and was polishing off his 500th piece when someone knocked the door. 

"WHAT?!?!" nobody disturbed alone time with his precious chocolates. No one. Not even his precious Hien.

"Syaoran-kun?" Sakura came in. Her eyes widened. Wrappers littered the floor and in the middle was a chocolate-smeared Syaoran. Normally, if Syaoran hadn't been consuming the chocolates he would of looked delectable but now... let's just say, overbulged cheeks and chocolate on your shirt was not sexy in anyway possible. MOVING ON!

"Syaoran-kun, Kurogane-san wanted to train with you," Sakura pointed out the window, "You better hurry before he starts destroying the neighborhood while ranting about Princess Tomoyo again."

"Kurogane-san was scary that day!" Syaoran remarked, "It took a whole firing squad armed with traquilizers to take him down!"

"Right..." Sakura nodded, ushering him out,"I'll clean up this mess." When she was sure Syaoran was outside, she hurriedly took out her flame torch (ABLE TO LIFT STAINS LIKE MAGIC OR YOUR MONEY BACK!) and torched all of them to askes. "WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!!! BURN UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT EXCEPT YOUR MISERABLE COLORFUL WRAPPERS TO SUFFER IN THE GATES OF OBLIVIONN!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" She stopped abruptly and scuttled out. Bipolar much...

And now, to see Fai's progress. She took out her machine gun and readied it. Just in case...

* * *

Syaoran was unhappy. He was forced to run 50 miles around the building they were residing in just because he gained weight in a few minutes. Now we all know the secret of how Syaoran stays as thin as he is: Kurogane when he's bitching about his home country. 

He was looking forward to his chocolates. When he opened the door, he saw nothing except ashes and colorful wrappers. No, she didn't. He ran like hell to the kitchen.

"SAKURA-HIME!!!!" he screamed, tears pouring down his cheeks as he started hyperventilating, "Where. Are. My. Chocolates?" Let's just say that he was pissed and he would kill the person that separated him and his delicious chocolates.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sakura kicked her flame torch into the closet, "I didn't burn your chocolates to shreds while you were out."

"Oh," Syaoran nodded, accepting it. Let's let you in on another secret: Syaoran believes everything his Princess says. It's a fact of life. "MUST. HAVE. CHOCOLATES!" He ran at breakneck speed to the chocolate shop. What he saw made him very angry.

CLOSED FOR TODAY DUE TO UNEXPLAINED ROBBERY

which translated into: Fai broke in and used Mokona to suck the chocolates which were then transported to the dimension witch.

Back in Tokyo...

Black Mokona spat out what seemed like all of a chocolate shop. A large amount of chocolate slopped onto a screaming Watanuki and an elated Yuuko.

"Woohoo!" Yuuko shrieked in glee, "Watanuki! Bring out the sake!"

"Noo!!!!" Watanuki bawled, "More chores! Curse you Syaoran!"

Back in... the world where our hero/victim is...

"Syaoran-kun?" Sakura put a plate of beef in front of him, "Are you alright?"

Twitching would be an understatment for what Syaoranwas going through. Tears were pouring down his cheeks and he was convulsing uncontrollably. Kurogane had tied him to the chair to stop him from falling down into an unmanly fetal position. Basically, he looked like what a fangirl would look like if his/her favorite anime was cancelled.

"N-N-N-Ne-v-v-ver b-b-b-b-better!" he tried smiling but it came out twisted.

"WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Mokona cried, "SYAORAN'S FACE IS UGLY AND UN-GODLY!!!!!!!!" That was it. Sugar-deprivation, twitching, and a crying mochi cake. It. Was. All. Too. Much!

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Syaoran's mental control finally snapped, "I WANT MY CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!! AND I AM NOT EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!!!! I NEED MY SUGAR!!!!!!!!! I NEED SWEETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF I TURN FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wow... Kurogane thought, he was sure the princess was going to emotionally break down first because... well... she was a girl...

This just proves that even Syaoran can be a wuss sometimes... most of the times... FINE! All the time.

"Oh, look," Sakura finally took pity on the poor boy and held out a chocolate bar in front of his face. He stopped bawling and looked at it.

"MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!!!!!!" he screamed before clamped his mouth over her fist and the chocolate and sunk his teeth into her flesh. Sakura stopped moving.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mokona screamed, "SYAORAN'S EATING SAKURA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And he disappeared, this time to Disneyland! Woohoo!!!!! The land of cotton candy, caramel apples, flying elephants, and talking rats!

"GRRRR!!!!!" Sakura took out a mallet, "LET GO OF ME!!!!!!!!" And she hit him square in the forehead. And he fainted.

"Smile and nod," Fai dragged Kurogane with him slowly to their room when it looked like Sakura hadn't had her fill of blood.

"RUN!!!!!" Kurogane shouted uncharacteristically loud and high-pitched.

What was the lesson we learned today kids? Well, we learned that even the strong sometimes run screaming like little sissies.

**A/N: FINALLY!!!!!! I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I had stalled this for a month and yeah... I was feeling lazy... well, HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	7. In Which Syaoran Learns The Meaning of P

**Author: Hello! And welcome to the seventh way to annoy Syaoran! Now a word from our local Time-Witch!**

**Yuuko: DISCLAIMER: The author does not own Tsubasa! Now about your payment...**

**Author: WHAT?!?!? I THOUGHT THIS WAS FOR FREE! YOU JUST SPOKE SEVEN WORDS!**

**Yuuko: Which is why I'll be taking your beta reader and holding him for ransom! (evil laugh)**

**Author: Oh, that's all? You can have him.**

**Beta Reader: HOW COULD YOU?!?! (cry)**

When Syaoran Learns the Meaning of PMS

Syaoran was a happy oblivious boy. As long as nothing happened to his most prized possession AKA his Princess Sakura, he was fine with being locked up in her closet, begging for mercy as she pounded away at the door, demanding his blood.

Let's start at what happened a few days before.

* * *

The day had started out with 500 pushups, 100 laps around the house they were residing in, 200 situps and buying groceries before breakfast. As usual, Kurogane was bitching about Princess Tomoyo and Fai was spouting out random nicknames for him. Mokona was asleep with Princess Sakura and they wouldn't be awake for some time. 

When Syaoran had finished his morning exercises, he was greeted with the sight of an unhappy Sakura.

"Errr... morning Princess," he tried smiling. She looked horrible. Her eyes had bags under them, her hair was sticking up in random places, and most of all, she looked murderous. Not that he was going to point that out unless he wanted a slow torturous death.

"Mmm," he heard her mumble. Mokona hopped in but stayed clear of Sakura. In fact, the fluff ball looked about ready to burst with either screaming or a very large secret.

After Sakura had left, Syaoran grabbed Mokona by the ears and gave it his first evil glare of death, which was to say, it looked pathetic.

"Spill, you little daifuku cake," Syaoran tried mustering a better glare, "Why is my Princess in a bad mood today?" Mokona burst out in a fit of giggles.

"Sakura-chan is PMSing!" it sang, "Sakura-chan is PMSing! Sakura-chan is PMSing! Sakura-chan is PMSing! Sakura-chan is PMSing!" Syaoran let it go with the promise of it stopping that annoying off-key song.

"PMSing?" Syaoran thought, "What is PMS?" Let's let you in on a little secret. Syaoran has never had any contact with any other woman except Sakura. Yes, it's true. Back in Clow, all the neighborhood children were mean boys, the people at the excavation were men, and back at home, he had his foster father. Even at the palace, the only woman there was Sakura. He shrugged before resolving to asked Kurogane.

* * *

After the afternoon jog, Syaoran popped the question. 

"Kurogane-san?" Syaoran asked.

"Hmm?" Kurogane acknowledged him with the briefest of glances. He took a glass of water and drank some of the contents.

'What is PMS?" Syaoran asked, innocently. Kurogane spat out the water he was drinking. Syaoran immediately took this as a bad sign.

"What did you say?" Kurogane grunted, looking at him in an intimidating manner.

"W-What is PMS?" he shrunk into his jacket. Kurogane almost laughed. The kid didn't know what PMS was. So he did what every other man would do.

"Go ask the damned mage," Kurogane passed the buck, "This is a question suited for him."

And just like that, Kurogane had skillfully dodged a bullet.

* * *

Syaoran, determined in his quest to know what PMS meant, went Fai's and Kurogane's room. 

"Fai-san," he knocked on the door.

"Syaoran-kun!" the mage was about to latch onto his neck.

"What is PMS?" Syaoran asked, with a serious look upon his face. That stopped him and he looked at Syaoran with both disbelief and cunning.

"Why do you ask?" Fai's eyes glinted with a plan forming in his mind.

"Mokona had said that Princess Sakura was going through 'PMS' so I asked Kurogane-san and he told me to ask you," he pointed at Fai.

"Oh," Fai nodded in understanding, "I'll have to have a talk with Kuro-puu tonight."

"So, what is 'PMS'?" he made little air quotations around the word.

"I suggest you ask Sakura-chan herself," Fai snickered. Being the clueless and oblivious boy he was, Syaoran nodded.

"Thank you, Fai-san," Syaoran went down the corridor. As soon as Fai waved him away, he shut the door and began barricading it. Who knew who's blood Sakura would want when Syaoran would pop the question?

* * *

Sakura was moody. She had an awful day and seeing Syaoran had made it worse. 

"Princess," Syaoran knocked the door to her room. Speaking of the devil...

"What is it?" Sakura opened the door.

"Do you have PMS?" he asked in her face, very straight-forwardly. Sakura stopped.

"What did you say?" she asked her voice laced with venom. Right then and there, Syaoran knew he shouldn't have asked her. Stupid mage. Damn him to hell.

"Do you have PMS?" Syaoran asked again, knowing that there was no way of turning back. He shut his eyes and prepared to be mauled by his princess. Instead, he heard a laugh.

"Come in, Syaoran," she pushed him in, "I'll tell you what it is!" Syaoran sighed in relief before walking inside. That may have been the worst mistake of his life.

* * *

Which leads us back to his position. Sakura had locked the door and pulled out a knife and Syaoran had hid in the only thing big enough to fit him, the closet. 

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" he screamed when the knife penetrated the wood of the closet, "I'M SORRY!!!!! I'M SORRY!!!!!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!!"

"DIE!!!!!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Outside, Fai and Kurogane cowered in their room. They knew it was coming. They just hoped they weren't next.

The End

**A/N: Totally not my** **work but here's an update. So... no flames and Happy Holidays!**


	8. In Which Syaoran is Stupid Enough To

**A/N: And here is the update that everyone is looking forward to! So... enjoy! Now a word from our cured princess! Also, this is going to be the fluffy chapter. Not a lot of humor. **

**Sakura: (who is on anti-depressants and is sedated) T-The A-Author does not own Tsubasa. Hoe... my head feels funny. **

**Author: Then it's working! Please read and review! **

In Which Syaoran is Stupid Enough to Take Alcohol and Sleeping Pills at the Same Time 

Sakura felt great today! After going to three psychiatrists, being on anti-depressants for three weeks and being sedated with a big enough dose to make even an elephant calm, she had been cured for her bloodlust! Yay! But now she had no recollection of what had happened in the past week…. Or why there were dozens of knives in her closet (that was very messy when she had tried to get her clothing the first time. Long story short, she was carted back to the psychiatrists). And neither Fai nor Kurogane wanted to explain what had happened to her. Mokona was no help, that little daifuku cake kept running away and laughing madly every time she came close to asking. 

But she couldn't wait to see Syaoran and profess her undying yet completely forgetful love to him. 

* * *

Syaoran was not doing to great today. He was stumbling into the kitchen at midnight to grab something to drink and reached into the fridge without thinking straight and pulled out a wine bottle. And still in a daze, he had pushed the cork off and drank it, thinking it was chocolate milk. Stupid mistake number 1. Now, we all know Syaoran cannot hold his liquor very well so after the first swig, he became tipsy and began giggling before drinking the whole bottle and pulling another from their endless supply of wine and beer and tonic and whiskey and gin (courtesy of Fai and Mokona). 

And incidentally, he reached his hand in and pulled out an orange tinted bottle containing white little objects. Hmm... I wonder what that can be. On the label, were the words 'Sleeping Pills' but Syaoran was beyond loopy now and downed the entire bottle. Stupid mistake number 2. When Sleeping Pills and a large amount of alcohol is in your system, it tends to do weird things to the brain. And the person that was going to experience those weird things was going to be our beloved, now docile Princess. 

"Syaoran-kun!" Sakura burst in smiling, "I have something to tell you!" She stopped and blinked. On the floor were shattered bottles, and the ripped remains on the bottle of sleeping pills. "Ummm…… Syaoran-kun?" 

On his face was an expression of dopey happiness: his cheeks were stained a healthy healthy red and his green pajamas were stained with purple and amber liquid (most likely from him guzzling down the whiskey and wine). 

"Princess!" he smiled, picking himself up sluggishly and ran at lightening speed to her, bowling her over. Our poor Princess never had a chance. 

Sakura turned red. She was now pinned to the floor by her true love that was currently unsober and weighed at least 150 freaking pounds! She could feel her lungs slowly being crushed by his head. Never mind the compromising position she was in, she was going to suffocate to death. 

"S-Syaoran-k-kun!" she gasped, "M-Must breathe!" The pressure lightened and she drew a deep breath. But now she was looking into big woeful amber eyes. 

"Why?" he asked, tears leaking out of his eyes, "Don't you love me?" She almost smiled but then remembered that he was drunk. 

"Syaoran-kun, you're not sane right now," she said slowly, "Please do not do anything drastic." If Sakura was not as naive as she was now, she would've seen the smirk on his face before he reached behind her face and gave her ear a small nip. His tongue flitted out and licked her ear as she felt his warm breath. Her arms squirmed to get free. 

"Eeek!" She blushed as she felt his cheek run over her own. His large hands still pinned down her own as she struggled. 

Sakura could feel her stomach turn and inside her mind, she felt something in her innocent mind click. 

"Syaoran," her eyes closed finally. Her limbs relaxed. 

"Hmm?" He smiled. She opened her eyes and instead of the innocent plains of green, he saw deadly emerald. Her lips curled in a smile. If he was sober, he would've taken this as a signal to run for his life. But sadly he was not. 

"GET OFF!" she shouted, her head connected with his, knocking him back. "I WILL KILL YOU!" She picked up a broken wine neck and pointed it threateningly at his neck. Syaoran would've been scared if he had been paying attention. Right now, he was puking his guts on the floor. Not a pretty picture.

* * *

Syaoran woke and groaned. His head felt like someone had whacked him repeatedly with a brick. And why were his clothes blue? He could've sworn he was wearing his favorite green pajamas! And why did he smell like alcohol and... yesterday's dinner? 

He also had the weirdest dream that he was drunk and seducing his Princess. Hmmm... 

He hesitantly got up, before collapsing back down. He heard screams and something open and close. 

"Oh, Syaoran-kun," he heard a voice and instantly felt his body quake. He hesitantly looked back and wished he didn't. Behind him, Sakura was holding a broken wine bottle neck. "You're going to die." 

Outside, people could hear girly screams and the sound of something crashing. 

**A/N: Haha... you thought this was going to end all mushy and with Sakura and Syaoran all happy. But nope! Two more chapters! Please read and review!**


	9. Syaoran Explores Sakura's Mind

**A/N: And now, an update! Yay! It has taken me so long because I have been so short of ideas and I have been swamped with homework so now... here it is! Chapter 8 of 10 ways to annoy Syaoran! This is not going to be a funny chapter but more of an amusing one. And now disclaimers!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... I have neither the time, money, nor motivation.**

Syaoran Takes A Glimpse of Sakura's Mind

"What an odd place," Syaoran ran through the halls of what seemed like a maze. In this world, he had landed away from the group and into a corridor. A white corridor decorated like his Princess's dress. Freaky.

As his feet tapped lightly upon the white birch wood, he remembered something his father had told him about birch wood. Legends tell that they contained the souls of the dead and Princess Sakura could see the dead. Again, the freak-o-meter rang in Syaoran's head like an alarm.

"Princess," he called, his voice reaching into a high pitch like a woman's. His sword was held in front of him like a baton, warding of the evils in the hall. "Princess, where are you?"

And the most peculiar sound to his ears: giggling. A bell-like giggle.

"P-Princess?" he felt like running in the opposite direction and screaming. He stopped. The end of the corridor was dark and seemed to go on for forever. The voice was coming from there. He cursed. Why did the voice always have to be in the dark?

"Here, Syaoran!" a voice sang out at the end of the corridor, "I'm right here!" Footsteps came from down the hall. Whatever it was, it was coming toward him.

Inside his head, he had his will ready. First, he wished his chocolate bunnies goodbye, telling them the chocolate bonbons meant nothing to him. Then he wished that he could have had one last snog with his beautiful yet homicidal Princess. Because, whatever was coming down that corridor was not Princess Sakura. His Princess never called him 'Syaoran'.

Right then and there, Syaoran let out a shrill girly scream. In front of him was his Princess... at the age of 7.

She laughed, pointing at him. By this time, he was backed into a wall. His head felt like he popped an artery. Ooh, it already did.

"You scream like a girl!" she taunted.

"W-Who are you?" he yelped when she got closer. Sakura grabbed into his hand. He tried pulling back, but he was trapped in a vice-like grip. Damn, how was she this strong?!

"My name is Sakura!" she jumped up and down, "And you will follow me! Even if I have to knock you unconscious with my toy mallet!" He stopped and looked up to the face of a large metal mallet covered with wicked looking spikes. Sakura beamed at him, as if she didn't know the full potential of the weapon in her hands. He clamped his mouth shut from then on.

She dragged him to a door with inhuman strength.

"Bye bye, Syaoran," she chirped, opening the door and pushing him in.

"W-Wait!" he shouted as she pushed him in.

He screamed and flailed his arms, falling through the sky. And suddenly, he stopped... in a field of knives and guns.

This, naturally, did not help calm him down. If anything, he screamed louder.

"Where is this?!" he shrieked. He tried swimming through the air. Let's just say, this was not the smartest idea.

1. He was getting nowhere. I mean, how can you swim in air?

2. He was head butting a lot of knives. Ouch. Again, not smart.

3. How did he know where he was going? Here's a road map to the Black Abyss! ...Seriously?

Overall, he was lost, tired, and he had just head butted around a Swiss Army blade.

"Why-" Breast-stroke ."-are-" Free-style. "-there-" Butterfly. "-so-" Back stroke. "-many-" Free-style. "-knives?" Worm! Okay... maybe not that last one.

And he saw it. A small light shining off all the glistening, threatening metal. A feather? It had to be.

Syaoran inched himself to it and almost fainted.

It was his Princess... naked and sleeping in a fetal position like a child. And otherworldly glow surrounded her, blinding him slightly, thank God.

He pitched the bridge in his nose, but felt as if all the arteries, veins, and capillaries in his brain burst right then and there.

And she was waking up.

"Syaoran-kun?" she blinked sleepily, oblivious to the fact that she was stark naked.

"Princess?" his covered his eyes, but was peeking through his fingers.

"Where am I?" she inched toward him. He inched back. "Why are there so many knives and dangerous firearms?"

"I-I don't know," he choked out. She was coming closer and away from the light that covered her form.

_"I am not seeing Princess Sakura naked," _he chanted to himself, "_I am not seeing her naked. I am not seeing her naked."_

Too bad it wasn't working...

"Syaoran-kun?" she touched him. He almost screamed, from either fright or pleasure, he couldn't tell, "Why are you looking at me?"

And she hugged him.

_"Oh holy deity in this realm," _he fainted, his nose spewing blood like a fountain.

* * *

"AAAAHHHHH!!" Syaoran let out a shrill noise that could have passed off as a shriek from a woman in labor.

He looked around. White walls and tatami floors. He sighed in relief. It was all a dream. A horrible yet decidedly happy dream.

"Syaoran-kun?" he heard a voice next to him. He blanched and realized something: he was naked and Princess Sakura was next to him, clutching his arm and lower torso.

"AAAHHHHHH!!"

* * *

"-AAAHHHH!!" Syaoran sat upright. He panted, sweat pouring down his face. A horrible dream within a horrible dream. The gods were trying to tell him something. What it was, he didn't want to find out.

He looked next to him. Princess Sakura was sleeping soundly, fully clothed, thank you very much.

His eyes went down to her hands. In it was a Swiss Army knife, stained with blood. His blood...

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

And this time, it wasn't a dream.

**A/N: And done! I'm sorry if it is a bit short and a bit odd but this was an idea that just popped into my head and I thought it would be funny. So please read and review!**


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